Posted on June 3, 2012
Okay, I suck at this. I want to tell you how great you are, but I just can’t seem to get it right. I’ll have to use a cliché; you’re to great for words. You really are. At least well beyond my words. Maybe if I learned all the languages in the world and then put together something it would be closer. But I doubt that it would be sufficient.
You have no idea how kind you are. If you could just see part of what I see in you… I think you’d be amazed. You always tell me how something you said or something you thought was so mean- you know what? Most of it isn’t so bad at all and your mistakes aren’t big and it’s all human. You’re human and you’re better than any other of ‘em I’ve met. You’re extremely good to me and, from what I’ve seen, to your friends and to your family and everyone you care for. To animals and trees, plants. I love how you’re so committed to animal welfare and the environment. I mean, you really, really care and you want to make a change and you DO something.
I’m so grateful that I have you. I can only imagine how my life would’ve been without you. I mean djkasl? yeah. No, okay, it would be awful. Most likely I would be stuck in my stupid thoughts, still living there not having said anything. I wouldn’t go back there for anything in the world. So thank you. You tell me that you’d wish you could be more there for me. Well, thing is, you’ve already helped me quite a lot and you’re still there for me. I know that you’re there whenever I need you. It’s my turn to help you out, I think. I’m not good at saying the right things but I hope I can help somehow. Because you deserve it so much. You deserve to have a great life and to feel good about yourself, because you’re really amazing.
I love you.
Posted on June 2, 2012
Oh god I caught myself looking at a thinspo blog and I feel so guilty right now. I’m not supposed to do that, it’s not good for me.
Posted on May 30, 2012
Lol, I just remembered I suck.
Posted on May 29, 2012
Don’t you dare say that. You are good for me in so many ways and you’ve helped me so much. I’m so grateful for having you. You’re great for me. I don’t need anyone but you, and I promise that I won’t ever leave you.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Is she ever going to realise that I’m not coming back? Isn’t she going to fight for me? Isn’t she going to realise how much I need her right now?
I’m tired of trying to act responsibly all the time. I just want to be able to rest, to let myself off the hook. Help me, please. Help me while you’ve still got the chance. I’m going to shut you more and more out, soon you won’t be able to reach me anymore. This is serious. Reach me, hug me like you did before. Make me feel like I still matter to you. I’m your daughter. And I dare say I deserve you to be there for me.
Posted on May 28, 2012
You know you matter to me, though. You really do. I love you so much. And I need to feel you returning that love all the time in order to be okay. Actually, you matter so much that I can’t imagine even trying to live and be okay without you. You are my life. That’s how much you matter to me.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Conclusion; I am terribly bad at this feeling-thing. I get so overwhelmed all the time and I misunderstand everything, even myself. Now I’ve ruined my sleep. Good thing I don’t need to be functioning tomorrow.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Oh god, I love you so much.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Yeah, you and your fucking husband had a great time. Too bad your daughter couldn’t be there, though?
Posted on May 28, 2012
I don’t know. I don’t have a plan.
But I think I need to get out of bed, though.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Wallow in self-pity and misery. Yeah, you go do that, just because you hate it, just because you hate yourself. Spread it whilst saying how you hate to spread it, be a goddamn oxymoron, do all the bad you can, just so you can let yourself feel even sorrier and sadder. Great plan you got going there.
Posted on May 28, 2012
I should make an effort for them. But I’m so tired now, exhausted. I have so little life in me. I can last two days and then I’m half-dead. I’m half-dead and full of self-pity. I despise myself. Two days. Wow, I’m good.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Why do I always need to spread my misery, make everyone see it, taste it, watch it, feel its shadow? Why do I always need to tell, why can’t I just keep it to myself and just rot in it alone? Why do I grab everyone around me and force them to be part of it, no matter whether they want or not? Can’t I just let it be me, and only me, who hurts? They don’t deserve this.
Posted on May 28, 2012
Haha, I suck at being human. I can’t be alone, even for a second. And my head gets all jsgacabajh all the time and yeah I’m just…. I’m so selfish and horrible and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know what to do about myself. There’s no way to do this? I’m just going to ruin everything.
Posted on May 25, 2012
And if I am not, I’ll be anyway, because that’s how it works. That’s what I want to be. That’s what I’ll be.
